Where has the time gone?

How time flies! It’s been 2 years since I last blogged‽ Crazy. What have I been doing since then? Surely I’d have finished editing Blood Foundry (my first completed High Fantasy Epic Novel), and be underway on Blood Legacy(the long awaited sequel, look I long await it so it’s not a stretch to call it long awaited) and be successful author by now, right? That’s how it worked in my head. What actually proceeded to happen was far different.

I did edit Blood Foundry, and then re edit it, and then re edit it, until I can almost quote some chapters of it. I read it until I loved it, and then read it until I acted and then I sent it off to friends to get opinions and something happened that I didn’t expect, I stalled. You spend hundreds of hours on something you pour your heart and soul into it and then you forget that to other people it’s just a book; and sometimes not everyone is going to have time to read, finish and provide feedback. My circles couldn’t do it, I wrote a genre selfishly, knowing it was something I wanted to read and write, and it’s not my friend’s responsibility to read it, but what it did was shake me.

I thought the hard part was writing the book, then I thought the hard part was editing the book, and now I’m at a place where I realise that the whole idea of being a writer is generally hard. You’re putting your thoughts feelings and ideas out there in the world in a way which will inevitably be critiqued, it’s not easy, otherwise everyone would do it right?

When I couldn’t get anyone to finish even reading the book my faith in myself was shaken. I took some time, I stopped planning the sequel (because as much as I love the story is there any point writing a sequel to a book that no one will read (the answer to that will be revealed further down)). I didn’t write at all, I sporadically journaled, again very selfishly, I journal as a way to say that I did writing without having to do any of the hard work, basically what I’m doing today actually, I ‘m aware of this. Along the track I still kept my working file of story ideas. I never stopped being creative, some of the stories stuck in my head for weeks, and I would plan them down and then leave them in that file.

November came around and I hustled for NaNoWriMo, something I love, something that I’ve won and lost in the past, but something that every time helps me create the habit of writing again, because thats what it is, its a habit, and needs to be kept up.

Then the miraculous happened! I wrote another book. Look its a novella at best, but I said to myself, write what I want to write, write trash that could never be seen by the world; and thats what I did, I wrote a Queer Urban Fantasy Erotica Novella (If my last genre had been selfish then this time it was our self indulgence). I wrote it, I read it, I hated it. Then I did the right thing, left it, came back to it and hated it less. I could see the diamond in the rough (god I love Aladdin). It’s in the stage of being edited now. Will it be released, who knows, but in the meantime, I shall at least work on writing, maybe some short stories, maybe some journaling, and I’ll work on making it more public in an effort to hold myself more accountable.

So until next week friends, keep working on your passion projects, keep reading and keep checking in with me for updates.

PS. If you read this far waiting for an answer as to whether it’s worth writing a sequel to a novel that no one will read then the answer is yes. Sometimes a story needs to be told, for me there are some stories that are in my head and I need to write them down, staple them to paper, straighten out the kinks before I can move onto my next project. I don’t write for anyone but myself, sure legacy is nice, but the peace that I get when I finish writing a story, when my head is no longer clouded with the questions that need answering about each character and their life, that moment is worth the hard work, even if it isn’t for anyone else.

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